Cesar Millan, a.k.a. “The Dog Whisperer,” often speaks on his TV show about calm and assertive energy in controlling dogs. Turns out, he applies such advice at home as well. Millan will speak and answer questions at the Lila Cockrell Theatre at 4:30 p.m. Saturday as a guest of the city’s “Dog Awareness Week.” Then he’ll head to the River City Cluster of Dog Shows down the hall in the Convention Center to present the Best in Show trophy at 6:30.
He talked about being a pack leader with his family as well as with his canine friends:
Q: What kind of dogs do you own yourself?
A: I own two pit bulls. I’ve got Daddy, he’s 15 years old. I’ve got Junior, which is the dog that Daddy and I are raising so we can keep up the image that pit bulls are not bad. It’s the people behind the dogs. And Daddy’s 15, so we’ve got to think about him departing and all that stuff that hurts.
And then we’ve got a Jack Russell; a Rottweiler; we have a mixed Labrador pit bull; we have a Jindo, which is the German shepherd of Korea; we have another Jindo, a white Jindo; we have three little puppies, a month old, and the mother; and then we have a Chihuahua; and then — what else? — we have an English bulldog named Mr. President, and that’s pretty much it. We have like 10 at home. I’m a father. I have a 14-year-old and a 10-year-old, and obviously I work on my relationship with my sons and my wife.
Q: I’ve got three.
A: And 30 years of age? You’re winning, man! Well, I just got my vasectomy done, man, so it’s over for me. I wanted to have a girl, but my wife said, no, we’re too busy.
Q: So are these lessons universal enough to apply to children?
A: Absolutely. I mean, exercise, discipline and affection, these things are very important. Even if you have a girl, she wants to exercise. She wants to know what the rules and boundaries are. One of the things I learned in America, it’s not actually the grown-ups who lead the pack. The kids are the dogs. That’s why we have “Super Nanny,” “Nanny 911” and “The Dog Whisperer.” So why in other countries this doesn’t happen? Because the grown-ups tell the children and the dog what to do. Right or wrong, this is more natural. The reality is, (the children) are more respectful over there. They would never raise their voices to their parents.
Q: So parents elsewhere are more in control.
A: Well, they follow a more traditional pattern. In Texas, it’s more traditional. For the most part, the father or the mother controls the child. When you go to a more liberal environment, you see how the father is actually negotiating with the kid. Is that healthy to the kid? Of course not. The kid doesn’t know any better. So if you tell them, this is how it is, this is how we’re going to do it, then it’s done. Period. It’s over.
Q: I like that. I think I’m going to use that.
A: It’s healthy. You’re the pack leader. You pay for everything. You should be the one who guides them. I always tell my kids, “I’m the pack leader who loves you guys.” When you punish, that’s when you make them afraid. That means, you as a father, are you angry, frustrated and disciplining your child? I am in an assertive state telling them I don’t agree with what they did. I don’t want to create flight avoidance with my kids, I want to create open-minded. So I have to check what energy I’m using to communicate with my kids.
I don’t use anger to tell my kids that I don’t agree with what they did, because I’m going to trigger a fight or flight, which is fear, or avoidance, which is ignoring me. That’s not what I want. I want them to trust and respect me and be loving to me. I am calm. They make a mistake, they don’t have to run. They didn’t do their homework, they didn’t do whatever, or they make my wife upset, whatever.
The boys are going to challenge the mom, because the mom always gives them affection first. I say, honey, you’re negotiating with them. Just tell them what you want. They’re not babies anymore. So calm, assertive energy for me is key.
